I Get it, I'm Terrible
by DegrassiFFLover12
Summary: Clare Edwards knows she isn't the prettiest girl in school, nor the most popular. She's the girl with the ugly brown hair, big glasses and icy blue eyes. This makes hate her, and her one true friend Eli, turns on her. First FF sorry not good at summaries
1. Chapter 1

Hi fanfiction readers, this is my first fanfiction I've ever written and I worked kinda hard on it. It's pretty much Eli and Clare growing up through younger school years and then growing up together. In this the only siblings mentioned are Adam and Eli. They are fraternal twins; I just decided not to make Adam the brother of a jerk like Drew (sorry to Drew haters, I just don't like Drew that much, but he IS a good brother) Also, this wont all be in young Clare's point of view, well, I mean it won't be in kindergarden forever, it'll just be a chapter or two in kindergarden then moving to elementary and so on. Um, thanks for reading this long rant, it means a whole bunch that you're actually reading this fanfiction :) So I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, I own the plot line and a pair of noise cancellation headphones.

Enjoy!

I Get it, I'm Terrible.

I wasn't the prettiest of the bunch.

I wasn't the popular girl.

But it doesn't mean you shouldn't like me.

I'm just like everybody else.

The same little kindergardener trying to fit in with the cool kids.

Just hang out in the sandbox, with some friends.

But of course, there's something about me.

That you don't like.

You may not like me because of my looks.

My wild and curly brown hair.

These big rimmed glasses that frame my face.

My baby like cheeks.

These terrible icy blue eyes.

And most of all.

My goody-two shoes personality.

Everybody hates it.

They hate that I'm the one to squeal when someone does something wrong.

Or, I'm the honest one who just can't keep her mouth shut.

The person that just has to ruin it for everybody.

My moms blue Honda Civic pulls into my kindergarden school yard. I stare out the window enviously, seeing my classmates smiling. I'm the one who'll be frowning all class. Not having one single friend there to talk to, I'll just be sitting there while all the others laugh and play on the playground. I'll be the one sitting in the corner with teacher, watching others instead of interacting.

I wish I could interact with them, but it's just full on hate. Every time I try to get on the jungle gym, KC, the tallest and most popular guy in the class pushes me down. Then he and his other friends Drew, Adam, and Mark laugh at me calling me Ginger, or Goody-two shoes.

There was only one person who actually stood up for me. His name was Elijah, or Eli, what he liked to be called. He told them to back off and leave me alone, or he'd be in the back of his father's car. I can't remembered what he called it, but all I know is, I was grateful for what he had done.

When I went to thank him after his deed; he took off. I didn't see him the next day, or the day after that. I just assumed he moved away, maybe his parents got new jobs and he had to move. Or, maybe he was just sick and couldn't come to school, that's got to be it.

"Clare-bear, we're here." My mom's sweet voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Okay," I said smiling slightly, then opening the car door letting myself out. My mom outstretched her hand for me to take, and I did so. "Mommy, do you ever think I'll make friends here?" I asked looking up at her lovingly.

"Oh yes honey, all those kids are dying to be your friends. I mean who doesn't love Clare Diane Edwards?" She asked.

A sound of rubber screeching against the road blasted into the air. It came from a far distance, so you could guess it was just another cool guy on a motorcycle. Driving down the road in his cool leather and shiny bike; watching people stare enviously at his coolness. Soon, the sound grew louder, and a large black car sped into our direction, with no intention on stopping.

My eyes widened seeing the big black car coming closer and closer to our direction. Then my short life flashed before my eyes. Blowing out my birthday candles in early august, playing with Darcy's-my older sister-Pac-man game, and meeting Eli. The boy that I'll never see again.

"Whoa...Is she dead?" A voice I didn't recognize said.

"Na man, she looks alive to me" Another voice said.

"Clear-bear, please wake up." My mom's voice said, and my eyes opened.

A boy with dark brown hair and gorgeous green eyes loomed over me, along with a short haired boy with a beanie and blue eyes. They looked at me with confusion, wondering if I was truly alive; not some zombie. I furrowed my eyebrows at them noticing how close they were to my face, and I instantly turned bright red.

"H-h-hi" I stuttered, and the boys smiled getting from overtop of me. They each offered me a hand which I gladly took to help me up. "Um, what happened?" I asked rubbing my head which was throbbing.

"Well, Bullfrog thought he could drive with now hands, and you past out before he slammed on the brakes" The blue eyed boy piped up. "Yeah, our dad isn't a smart one"

"We're really sorry, anything we can do to repay you and your mother?" The green eyed boy said sincerely.

"It's okay, I'm not hurt or anything" I said quietly, looking at him.

"Cool...wait a minute, aren't you Clare? Like Clare Edwards." He asked, his eyes instantly lighting up. I nodded in response, then I squinted my eyes. This boy does look familiar come to think of it. "Yeah, I remember you! KC and his goons were messing with you."

I instantly remembered who this boy was. He was Elijah Goldsworthy, the Elijah Goldsworthy; the only boy that ever stood up for me. He remembers me, for me; not Ginger, or Miss. Goody-two shoes. How could I forget him?

"Eli, Adam, get back in the car!" A raspy voice shouted from inside the car.

With that being said, Eli wrapped his arms around me in a hug, then ran off to the car.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own an Apple Ipod, but not degrassi or it's characters.

**Chapter 2**

It'll be a miracle is someone talks to me.

Just to give me the time of day.

Noticing me, for who I am.

Not my looks.

I need a friend.

Someone with real flesh, and insides.

Not full stuffing or air.

Someone that I can talk to about cool things.

A person that wont judge me for being me.

After my mom signed me into the class log, I walked around the kindergarten hallways. I had to look for Eli so I could thank him, again. He had saved my life once, and my social life as well. He definitely deserves some thanks considering I'm always unable to thank him. It's like, whenever I try to thank him, he takes off.

I let out a long sigh. There's no way I can find one boy in this gigantic school. It's hopeless. He's probably just another guy in school who probably doesn't like me. One guy that is bound to call me Ginger or Miss. Goody-two shoes at some point; I better just forget him, it's not worth the pain I'll feel later.

"Hey, Clare, are those rumors true?" A short Indian girl asked coming up to me.

I looked over to my side seeing the second most popular girl in school is talking to me. Ali Bhandari. The Ali Bhandari! She is my hidden idol; beautiful, smart, and popular! She has all the best name brand clothes a kindergartner could want-polo, Arizona and Nikes. She had silky black hair, always neat and shiny; and big brown eyes, no big glasses to hide them or make her face deeply unattractive.

"What rumors?" I asked cocking my head to the side in confusion.

"That Elijah and Adam Goldsworthy saved you from getting hit by a car?" She said flicking her hair to the side. "Man, I would kill for them to do that" she gushed, and my face went hot.

Ali Bhandari is talking to me about Eli and Adam, the boys that saved me! The fact that she would kill to talk to him; which is giving me the hint she has a crush on him. Ali is talking to me about boys like a best friend would! What does this mean? Will we be friends, best friends maybe?

I opened my mouth to answer the question but a chorus of screaming girls interrupted me. My eyes grew wide with confusion and I quickly turned towards its direction. In the little crowd, you could faintly see a boy in the circle of them. Whoever they're screaming at, he must have one bad ear ache.

"Eli, Eli, Eli!" They chanted repeatedly. I rolled my eyes, Eli probably doing something like chugging a milk carton or something. Not something to get excited about in my opinion. I turned back around to see that Ali had disappeared from where she was once standing. Now she was with the crowd of girls chanting along with them.

Soon later Eli emerged from the little crowd wearing no milk-stash, but a smirk instead. I didn't understand what was going on; if they weren't chanting for him to chug something, what were they doing. I mean, Eli isn't exactly a popular person, so normally people wouldn't care whether he's chugging a milk carton or not. All they care about are his looks; how he looks too good to be in kindergarten. All the popular people are Drew, Mark (Fitz), Adam (his twin brother), Ali, KC, Jenna, Julia and Bianca.

Is it his green eyes that you get lost in? Maybe it's his plump lips that curl into the perfect smirk that adorns his face. Or It could also be his short, yet swoopy, dark brown hair that falls right above his eyes. Everything on him just fits perfectly, you just don't know.

"Blue eyes," he purred gently walking towards me. My face turned scarlet red, and turned disturbingly hot. What was this feeling Did I like Eli too? Am I like all those other girls? "You know Clare...those glasses...I hate them, just like those stupid eyes of yours."

Everybody began to laugh at me. The pointing hands mocking me as I stood there embarrassed; unable to move. My eyes rimmed with tears seeing KC's goons laugh at me as well, people doubling over howling, and seeing Ali as well.

They all hate me, every one of them does.

"You're a jerk," I screamed, tears rapidly pouring from my eyes. "I can't believe I thought I liked you, you're the meanest person I've ever met!"

The tears stung my eyes, as I looked at his face. Smug. Written all over it; he wasn't even caring at the fact I'm crying. All he wants to do is watch me, just like everybody else. They just want is to see me suffer for their personal enjoyment.

"Look guys she's crying!" KC shouted pointing directly at me.

"Run home to your mommy Clare-bear, tell her about how bad your day was. Go on Ginger, go!" Ali sneered as I turned around.

Just as I was about to run away, a hand grabbed my wrist pulling me back. I slowly turned around and saw a boy with big blue eyes staring at me. Adam was here as well. His face was straight, no laughter threatening to spew from his lips; his eyes were pleading for me not to leave. Not to run off into a world where nobody will ever speak to me again.

"Don't go, please," he said softly, then looking into my eyes. His eyes were captivating. So innocent, yet icy; they were as clear as the ocean. "What in the world is wrong with you," he roared at Eli making me jump back. "Who do you think you are making her cry! You and I saved her from getting hit by Bullfrog, so why would you do that? Huh!"

"Dude, Adam, we're all just playing okay," Eli said holding his hands up in defense. "It was a dare okay, Julia dared me"

"I don't give a spongebob doll about her Eli! She's a jerk, and so are you!"

Adam and me left the area and headed towards the swings. I was still crying at this point, even more taken aback than I had been before. Eli had done that for a dumb dare. A dumb dare that Julia-the most popular girl in class-proposed. But this time, instead of me running off by myself crying, Adam saved me. Adam stood up to him just like Eli had stood up for me.

Adam gestured for me to sit on the swing first, and I did so. He then took the one next to me, and sighed. "I'm really sorry about that," he started saying. "Eli, he can be really sweet, but, whenever it comes to Julia he's just a jerk." He said clenching the chain straps.

"It's fine, I'm used to it." I answered sadly looking at the ground. "It's just, when Eli did it...it hurt the most"


	3. Chapter 3

FINALLY! I FIGURED IT OUT!

Thank you for all the reviews I've been getting. I forgot to mention that in the last chapter, and I'm sorry for doing that. So...thanks to my first reviewer DegrassiLovesEli :) Virtual heart for you :) And thank you to everyone else that read this and reviewed. (Sorry for the long ramble, I'm really weird like that)

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, but I do own a karate trophy :)

**Chapter 3:**

My religion tells us to be truthful to all

Seek the truth

Attempt to repel all evil.

Reject occasions to do wrong.

But I can't anymore.

For my faith is almost dead.

Like my spirit

I don't like lies.

I don't like being led on.

Believing one story while another is going on.

For it's wrong.

To be deceitful.

It hurts when you've been lead on.

It burns a hole in your heart.

Never to be filled again.

But to be shattered into tiny pieces.

The fact Eli had led me on believing I had a chance with him; then ripping out my heart later my heart ache. Having it crushed into a million pieces then run over with Bullfrog's car; made me feel empty. That, I'll never be whole again; I'll just be a shell with nothing in it.

"Clare, did you, really have a crush on Eli?" Adam asked and I nodded. No matter how hurt I am, I feel as if I'll always have a crush on him. "He's a bad guy Clare. He's just trying to impress Julia, and he doesn't care how he does it." Adam said coldly, his icy blue eyes staring menacingly at the school.

Crunch. Shatter. Explosions. That was exactly what my heart did right now. After hearing from Adam that it wasn't a dare like Eli had said; I felt even worse. I was just a tool to impress Julia Simms, the most popular and snobbiest girl in school.

She's also the most beautiful girl; with her long raven black hair, and big brown eyes.

What did Eli see in her? She's a really mean person, like a person that kicks puppies. She's a bully-I've had a few instances were she and I didn't get along. She's spoiled little brat that thinks she can get whatever she wants, when the truth is, life isn't about getting what you want.

I simply don't understand what could he _possibly _see in her that's truly positive. It would have to outweigh every negative thing I mentioned for her to be a decent person.

A single hot tear rolled down my face. _You're a stupid fool Clare Edwards, _I spat at myself internally. Why would I go up against the popular, and beautiful Julia Simms for Eli's heart? Of all people I could fall for it's Adam's jerk of a brother; stupid Elijah Goldsworthy. _Why even bother with him? Like Adam said, he's only looking to impress Julia. That's why he used you as a pawn._ I continued insulting myself feeling the tears come down faster.

"I'm stupid," I said aloud. "Stupid for thinking there's ever any kind of life out there for me. I'll be Ginger for the rest of my life" I sobbed falling off the swing and onto the mulch.

"Clare, you're not stupid-"

"Then why is this happening to me? Answer that Adam..."

Revenge is the evil of the heart.

It's a way to express hatred.

With violence and unnecessary pranks.

It shows hurt.

It'll never go away with revenge.

It only diminishes it.

Never wanting to go away.

We'll always seek revenge.

For we don't like being hurt.

We don't like seeing others hurt.

So we stand up for them.

The revenge spreads like diseases.

Like flames on a birthday candles.

One candle lighting another will no longer exist after a certain point.

It'll just be a roaring wildfire.

Never burning out


	4. Chapter 4

ON A ROLL!

Thanks for all those reviewers, it means a whole bunch considering you are actually reading this :) and I appreciate you for that ^_^

So, I'm done with my crazy long rant, so I guess I'll just get on with I Get It I'm Terrible.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own degrassi, BUT I do own a pair of frog pajamas :)

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><p><strong>Chapter 4: <strong>

Violence ends nothing.

It only starts more things.

Fights...

Terrorizing...

Bullying...

Violence, is the key for all to happen.

For any little spark of it.

Flares into a fire.

Jealousy is worthless.

It's against everything I believe in.

For it's just something that adds to violence.

Starting it up, preparing the flames to begin.

Oil on concrete.

A single flame.

The flame is thrown.

Now everything is on fire.

I walked over to my seat, plopping down in it and sighed. I had finally lost Adam after five minutes of him on my tail. He had chased me when I took off running after I fell off the swing. Then he kept going on about how I wasn't stupid, and people are jerks for making fun of me. Truth is, I didn't really care what he had to say. I was already fed up with everybody's lies, and I needed to get away and be alone; let my heart ache by myself...

You know, drown in self pity...

"Hey Ginger," a voice said snapping me out of my trance. I turned to my side seeing Julia Simms sitting across from me with that smug look on her face. "I saw you outside with Adam, what were you doing out there?" She asked and I furrowed my eyebrows. Was Adam seriously _that _popular to the point that they notice _wherever _he goes. Man, people are weird.

"Um, talking" I said awkwardly scratching the back of my head. "I was kinda upset about stuff."

"Then why is your hair messed up," she asked quickly, and my mouth twisted in disgust. "Goodness Ginger, I thought you believed that was wrong, maybe you're not as much a goody-two shoes after all." She said and my eye twitched with anger.

See, this is why I never liked her. She always finds some way to provoke people with her stupid attitude. In this case, my religion and my looks; everybody knows my hair is just long and frizzy, it'll always look messed up. But of course, the way she says things just gets people mad at her...

I honestly don't know why this gets me so mad. Usually whatever she does bothers me, but I'm never angry at her-I'm never angry at anyone. So why is she that one exception? I pondered on it for a minute then a name popped into my head. _Eli... The guy is trying to impress her, that's why I'm in this stupid mess! _ I shouted internally.

"Listen _Julia_," I snarled standing up. "This crud going on is done! I don't know what in the world I did to you, but I don't think you should be so mean," I stated boldly, which she was taken aback by. "I mean honestly, what was embarrassing me in front of class going to do," I continued saying, and the class immediately fell silent. "What does Eli even see in you? Your a mean girl, a bully, a parasite-"

Julia's fist slammed straight into my jaw, taking me off my feet. I fell into a chair which flipped over only for me to tumble backwards. The class erupted into roars of laughter as I got back up, rubbing my throbbing neck. Great, even without other peoples help, I'm getting embarrassed.

She hopped over a desk, tackling me. She then started pulling at my hair like a wild animal. Great, this girl has anger issues along with everything else on my list.

"Julia, Julia!" The class chants in pleasure.

"Julia? What in the world!" I heard a distinct voice yell over the crowd.

The yanking of my hair immediately stopped, along with the class' chanting. Feeling immediate relief, I shakily opened my eyes, seeing Eli holding Julia in a sleeper hold. She's flailing around trying to get back and rough me up more, but Eli wouldn't let her go, no matter how hard she struggled.

He smiled softly at me, and I stared coldly at him. I'd rather get beat up than talk to him right now. "You okay Clare?" He asked and I got up, glaring menacingly at him. Julia had finally stopped squirming and Eli let her go free. Surprisingly she didn't jump me again on her way out. He stepped over to me and touched my face. "Your face is going to swell up, if we don't get some ice on this."

I smacked his hands off me. "Don't touch me," I said coldly and he held his hands up. "Trying to impress Julia again by showing that you can be 'sensitive' after taking control of a situation," I continued. He gave me a look, as if I was a crazy person. "Adam told me, Eli, you're being a jerk to me just to impress Julia."

"That's a lie"

"Why should I believe you? I don't trust you after everything you did," He opened his mouth to argue with me and I put my hand up, cutting him off. "What makes you think I _should_ believe you? You embarrassed me in front of the whole class, you made me cry. Why am I even listening to you?"

Eli stepped close enough for his soft breath to be felt on me. It froze me in place, making me unable to push him back, or just back away. Great, I'm falling back into his trap, just like he wants me to. Him and his stupid good looks are the one think keeping me from being stubborn. His hands snaked to my waist and pulled me to him.

"I'm sorry Clare..." He whispered into my hair. "I'm so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you" He said and a hot tear rolled down my face again.

I didn't know who to believe now...

Adam? The friend who saved me from Eli.

Or Eli? The boy that embarrassed for a girl.

Saved me from KC and his goons

Hugged me after almost getting hit by his car

And now, stopped me from getting beat up even more from Julia...

Sadly, my feelings overpowered my judgement, and I gave into him.

Slowly and shakily, I wrapped my arms around him...

Miserably falling back into his trap


	5. Chapter 5

Alright! I think I may have figured this whole posting out. I'm not sure but hey, this site_ is_ very weird. :)

Thank you to all those that reviewed last chapter, I think I got a total of six or five reviews for last chapter. I'm so happy that people are reading this :)

Oh yes, and I am also looking for a really good Beta Reader, if you know of one, or you are one; can you send me a PM? I'd love to have someone else help edit my story; because of course, you guys deserve the best...Speaking of that, I hope this chapter makes sense, and wasn't rushed...

I do have a twitter, but I don't expect people to follow, I'm just putting it out there: **degrassi_obsess **

Haha, sorry for my CRAZY long rant! I hope you can enjoy this :) *crosses fingers*

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, but I do own a pair of glasses that I don't like.

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><p>Chapter 5:<p>

Forgiveness is the key to solving problems

It requires no violence.

No conflict.

Just a warm heart.

It douses the flames of violence.

Wipes away the oils jealousy.

Obliterating it all.

With three simple words...

_"I forgive you..."_

People aren't all that bad.

They're just confused.

Constantly going back and forward with who they truly are.

Conflicted on who they _should_ be.

When they know who they are...

I walk into the house along with Eli and Adam trailing behind me, arms full of books. We had just went to library to get started on our really long English project due next week. This is all thanks to the gifted program in middle school. It forces us to take seventh grade English because our GPA's are too high have general English. This of course sucks because we now have to work twice as hard just to pass one class.

Eli groans sitting the twenty books of literature on my kitchen table. He shakes out his arms, attempting to relax his strained arm muscles. "Remind me why we take seventh grade English?" Eli asked running his hands through his hair.

"Because we're forced to," Adam answered setting some more books down.

Our teacher, Ms. Dawes, had gave us a project to analyze the theme in literature. Being the teacher she is, has to give us the biggest most _boring_ book in the history of literature _Moby Dick. _I don't like the book more than I don't like the name!

Ms. Dawes knows the three of us are the smartest in the class-we could have eighth grade English is we wanted to-so she just _have _give this to us; apparently to test our literary knowledge. At first we were okay with it, because we only knew about two versions of Moby Dick-the complicated original, and the young children version-but Ms. Dawes didn't tell us that there are more than two versions of this book. So she told us, that we have to analyze _at least _three of them to get a D-minus that is.

"Man, I can't stand Ms. Dawes! She always gives us the _hardest _assignments ever!" Eli groaned slamming his head into the stack of books. "I'm telling you she hates us."

Eli is convinced that Ms. Dawes hates us ever since the three of us skipped her class. Simply, we thought that she was getting a little too boring for our tastes. I mean seriously, who wants to learn about paraphrasing VS plagiarizing? Not us! So we skipped her class and went to the Dot to hang out.

"She's just trying to challenge us," I said opening the biggest book then twisting my face in disgust. Eli smirked at me then took the book from my hands.

"Oh Blue Eyes, you should know that when it comes to Dawes; I'm always right." He said playfully putting his arm around my shoulders.

"Oh hush up, I can't help but be optimistic." I said slapping his arm lightly.

After the altercation with Julia way back in kindergarten, the three of us-Adam, Eli, and I-had become very civil with each other. This had all happened in second grade, after Julia had transferred out of our class. Eli and I became quick friends, and he apologized for every mean thing he did to me in kindergarten. Eli just said he never met to hurt me, and he just can't turn down a dare for the sake of his life.

As much as I resented it at first; I forgave Eli for his horrible prank. It took quite a bit of explaining for me to understand that he '_had to' _accept the dare, for it was a matter of his pride. He doesn't want people to think he's less of a guy or something like that. It's probably just a guy thing.

"Can we get to work on this assignment," Adam groaned slapping his forehead. "I just don't want to be here with you two flirting so much," he continued. Yeah, apparently me and Eli had grown closer than ever after we made up. And I'm guessing more feelings were developed as we grew older; which means, playfully talking is now flirting-we do that so much now!

"As much as I _love literature, _I don't want to gag myself if you two flirt again." Adam said picking up a smaller version of Moby Dick.

"Fine Adam, work by yourself, I'm going off with Clare!" Eli said sticking his tongue out at Adam, then grabbing my wrists.

Eli dragged me over to the couch in the living room and sat me down. Once he left, I began to ponder on a couple thoughts _Did Eli like me, or are we just flirty friends? If we're friends then we do a _**_whole lot _**_of flirting. But I don't do this with Adam...Man, I really wonder what we are... _I thought biting my lower lip.

I was interrupted by Adam and Eli bickering over notebooks. He and Eli were arguing over who owned notebook with Dead Hand-their favorite band-all over it. Eli kept saying the notebook was his, while Adam disagreed. Eventually the bickering died down and Eli came back into the room with a black notebook and several pencils.

He smiled at me then placed me in his lap. _Here comes the flirting! _I said internally. My face instantly grew disturbingly hot. "Comfy Blue Eyes?" He purred into my ear, which made my face glow red. I slowly nodded in agreement. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm kinda liking this flirtatious action. "Now, lets get started." He said opening the book and placing it in front of me.

I opened it and began reading aloud, while his arms snaked around my waist, and his head fell on my shoulder.

_Bliss...Exactly what I'm feeling. _

Adam had texted me that he got done the first book's analyzation and to come back to the table to share what notes we collected. He reads so fast now; considering me and Eli are gone. Adam always prefers to work alone when it comes to our group projects. Sure it doesn't sound like group work there, but he does get work done faster when Eli and I aren't.

"Let the note sharing commence!" Eli said throwing his arm around me.

"Okay, so far we have figured out that the main theme in this is The Limits Of Knowledge," I stated reading from Eli's sloppy hand writing. "Ishmael is practically disciplining us while as he attempts to figure out whales. It shows that he isn't very well educated and how that can affect a story"

"Yup, I definitely don't like this book; you can barely read it without getting annoyed at Ishmael's stupidity." Adam groaned, running his hands through his hair.

Just then, Darcy walked inside with bags of groceries. She was my oldest sister-my only sister-and she was my only friend during most of my kindergarten year. Darcy had kept me seemingly sane during the bullying issues, the aftermath of the Julia fight, and the whole Eli being completely trustworthy. Darcy goes to the upper levels of Degrassi Community School. While Adam, Eli and I go to the lower levels of the school-middle school section. (She's in ninth grade.)

"Hey Clare-bear, and friends," Darcy said ruffling my hair.

"Hey sweet thang'" Adam said playfully and I smacked his arm. "Haha, just kidding, hey Darcy"

"Um, hi Adam, I see your sense of humor is alive and well," Darcy said uncomfortably. "So, I haven't seen this one before. Who's he?" Darcy said gesturing towards Eli.

Oh yes! That is right, Eli has never met Darcy before. She had always talked about meeting 'the little punk' in which she called him. It was the fact that I came home balling after him pranking me, and after the fight with Julia. Darcy absolutely _hates _seeing me cry, therefore she's obligated-as an older sister-to beat him up for making me cry.

"Oh I'm Blue Eye's future lover Eli Goldsworthy," Eli answered. My eyes widened and I pushed him away from me. He chuckled slightly, and Adam rolled his eyes. "Hey you didn't seem to mind when you were in my lap." Eli teased, and I turned bright red.

"That was totally different!" I tried to defend myself, buy Eli rolled his eyes.

"So, who are you, Clare's mother?"

"Ew, no. I'm Clare's _sister _Darcy. And you're Eli Goldsworthy _the _Eli Goldsworthy?" She asked slightly shocked.

"Am I famous or something?" Eli asked proudly putting his hand over his heart.

"No, Clare just talks on and on about you." Darcy said flicking her gorgeous brown hair to the side. "Yeah, she _totally_ has a thing for you Eli, so you _may _**_become lovers if she continues_**." Darcy said giggling.

A knock on the door stopped Darcy's giggling. She walked over to our door, opening it making a very confused face. "Who are you?" She asked, and I walked over to the door. Black hair, brown eye, smug face; Julia Simms standing at my door.

My hands shook in fear. My pupils became smaller. My skin turned pale.

"Julia?" I whispered, falling into unconsciousness.


	6. Chapter 6

Hey Fanfiction readers, I'm so sorry for not uploading yesterday (or whatever today is, it's like 2 in the morning where I am). I was out with my friends yesterday, but I was editing chapter five because it was really weird. Then today we took my grandmother out, and we were gone for at lease four hours. I know these aren't real excuses but I really wanted to update, but I didn't, so I'm super sorry :(

Oh yes, if you want, follow me on twitter: degrassi_obsess

Thank you for those that reviewed the story. And I'm glad some of you asked questions. But before I start talking about it, I must tell you Adam is NOT an FTM. He's full on dude :) I just like him better as a full guy because people wouldn't hate on him in the show. :) Oh yes, and Clare is still the same person in kindergarten—they're in sixth grade, ten or eleven years old—just without the big ugly glasses.

Thanks for reading this crazy long rant. That's what happens when you work on this to the point you're going to fall asleep—I really felt bad about not updating.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Degrassi, but I do own a Cosmo's magazine with Hayley Williams on it :)

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><p>Chapter 6:<p>

Secrets lay beneath the surface.

Begging for air.

For they are fish, without gills.

Drowning in their own home.

Fairy tails are irrelevant.

They steer us in the wrong direction.

Poisoning our minds at such a young age.

Making us believe dreams come true all the time.

And there's a Prince charming in every tail.

But have they ever dawned upon a Princess with a broken spirit.

Maybe lost in faith, trust?

Did that girl ever have a happy ending?

Did she find her perfect little Prince?

I bet she didn't...

For people thought she was too boring...

Too plain, bland.

Not beautiful, or anything a Princess needs to be...

She's just...there...

Taking up air and space.

"Um, no dude, I'm so waking her up" A voice I recognized said.

"Who was her friend first, oh look, me!" Another voice argued.

"Yeah, but she wasn't in your lap!" The first voice countered.

"I didn't make her cry!" The other voice argued again. "I liked Clare_ way _before you did anyway!" The voice said and I instantly registered what was going on.

Adam and Eli! They were arguing...over me? My only two friends _both _liked me? The girl with the wild curly hair, icy blue eyes, and now normal sized glasses? Really? It's so shocking to find out this, when your unconscious. The fact that you can't look surprised or, do anything about it. You just have to sit there and listen to it.

I'm sure Eli was talking about me being in his lap. Of course I was in _his _lap; he pulled me into it, and I my stupid feelings overpowered my judgement again. Something in me just told me not to get up. My heart; telling me that those feelings I have for him don't compare to my judgement.

I love the feeling of being truly wanted I get from Eli. Whenever he does something physical with me-whether it's groping, intense hugging (picking me up and spinning me around), running hands through hair, and even slapping my but-I just feel like someone out there truly likes me. No matter what I look like; not caring about my goody-two shoes personality.

"I'm sure she likes me more" Eli challenged

"Ha, no way dude, she likes me way more."

Come to think of it, where _is _Darcy? Hadn't she been here when I had fallen unconscious? Shouldn't she be here while these two fight over me, telling them to knock it off and focus on my health? I mean really! You'd just assume Darcy would care more about her sister; who was formerly bullied-with one of her old bullies in the room-and now unconscious.

"Rock paper scissors, gets to kiss her." Eli said boldly.

"Dude when she hates you later, it's your fault...But I'm in" Adam said clapping his hands.

Whoa, a kiss! I'm not a girl that needs saving. I'm not in a cheesy Disney movie, where a Prince kisses that Princess, and she wakes up from her magic sleep! I'm nowhere _near _Princess material. Man, I don't _believe_ in fairy tails! They simply poison the minds of the young, believing that a sweet kind Prince will just be there to do everything for you. When the people that made them know, that something like that will _never _happen.

Even if I did believe in fairy tails, I can't be a Princess. I don't live in some big fancy castle, I'm no where near beautiful, and there's no happy ending planned out for me-but, the only thing I have over Princesses are _two _guys are fighting for me.

"Ha, I won, I get to kiss Clare!" Eli gloated and Adam muttered a few words under his breath.

Eli's warm hand slipped onto the small of my back, lifting me up slightly. Then the other hand tucked a small piece of my curly hair behind my ear; his hand instantly moving back to hold my head delicately.

Warm lips were overtop of mine for a brief moment. Just barely pecking them; flaring up my hormones. The feeling of his lips on my own sent sparks flying through my mind. It sent me into my own island of pleasure and happiness. Even more when his medium sized hands somehow tangled themselves in my hair.

Suddenly I found myself kissing him back. Frantically now. Our eyes had not opened from the minute he kissed me, nor have we gotten any air since. My body is constantly moving on it's own; raging with hormones that desperately need to calm down. Even though I knew they would never settle down with Elijah Goldsworthy in my presence. For he is the only person who can take every little bit of my judgement with anything he does.

My hands lift up and latch onto the back of his neck, and my fingers played with the curly hairs on the back of his neck. Eli whimpers in pleasure obviously enjoying what I'm doing to him, just like I enjoy every physical thing he does to me.

The lack of air had finally hit it's peak, forcing us to separate. I took this time to open my eyes seeing the gorgeous green eyed boy was slightly hovering above me, straddling my waist. His was face flushed from the lack of air; and his breathing was heavy. Out of all this, a smirk played across his perfect plump lips; completely adorning his gorgeous face.

"Welcome to the world Blue Eyes," Eli said sitting next to me, then pulling me to him. "You are an _excellent kisser, _well, you're the only girl I've kissed." Eli purred leaning back in to kiss me; pretending Adam wasn't there.

"You're not too bad yourself..." I whispered, feeling my face grow very, very hot.

"Break it up before Darcy comes and castrates Eli finding out you two just kissed." Adam said coldly opening our closed door. "I'm sure she would love to rip that off after dealing with Julia." Adam directed towards me.

Outside you could see Darcy and Julia in a heated argument. It didn't look like they had fought or anything, but obviously they were very frustrated with each other. Darcy's hair was tousled probably from tugging on it impatiently, and Julia's was the same. Sadly, Adam's words were true, for we could tell Darcy looked like she could castrate Eli if he said something the wrong way.

Adam stormed outside slamming the front door in the process. I assumed he was trying to calm the girls down; since anything offensive being said would set them off, in a clawing frenzy. You could hear Julia's frantic streaks. "Let me go Adam! I'll get on this Christian girl just like I did to Clare. I'm not going home Adam, let me go!"

You could also hear Adam growling in frustration, then roaring at her, "Shut up, Julia and walk down the stupid sidewalk!"

Eli and I are all alone now; on the floor, tangled and, 'in like' with each other; with raging and unpredictable teenage hormones. Yeah, Adam is not being the smart person-nor is he the happy person right now-here...Unless he's really hurt from me kissing Eli. I mean he _did _made a really disturbing comment about Darcy castrating Eli-which is something she would _never _do-if she caught us kissing. He also slammed the door when Eli said tried to kiss me again, then, he screamed at Julia.

That definitely isn't the Adam I know. That's not the sweet, funny, and awesome best friend that I love like a brother. What kind of friend am I? I had broken Adam's heart, just like Eli had broken mine. After all he had done for me, and this is how I repay him.

Eli wasted no time with me. He instantly crushed his lips over mine, kissing me frantically. But my mind was on Adam, and his possible heart break that I caused. The tears that could be shed because of me. Tears that Adam doesn't need to shed, because he had been my best friend during everything. Now look at me, I'm making out with his twin brother. It's not fair...

A mental image of Eli and Adam appeared in my mind. Their arms were stretched out making me chose who I want. But I'm stuck in the middle of them; staring at the boy I liked-who bullied me-and who kissed me; then at Adam, who also likes me, had been there for me during the bullying. Suddenly Eli's next kiss wiped the pictures away.

The day I fell off the swing sobbing came into my mind. But instead of me crying on the ground...it was Adam._ "You broke my heart Clare...How could you? I thought you were my friend."_ He sobbed at me.

Instantly I pushed Eli off of me, his head hitting the floor with a soft thump. I couldn't take it, Adam's crying at me. Telling me I had broke his heart; it was all unbearable. I just couldn't do anything to stop it.

I moved away from him scooting my knees up to my chest; in attempt to get rid of the mental images I'm seeing. Adam's soft face, his gorgeous blue eyes. They all were taunting me, making me feel horrible on the inside. Uncontrollable tears came from my eyes, not helping me any.

"Did I do something wrong Blue Eyes?" Eli asked scooting closer to me. Adam's blue eyes popped in my head, glistening with tears.

"It's Clare," I mumbled.

"Please Clare, tell me what I did wrong" Eli plead caressing my face. His hand was getting dangerously close to my neck; making my face grow disturbingly hot. "I can tell you like what I'm doing." He cooed pressing is forehead against mine.

"I can't do this" I whispered pushing him off of me. "I can't like you Eli, imagine what I'm doing to Adam!" I said feeling tears streak down my face.

"Clare where do you even get Adam out of all this! Why are you even making a big deal out of this?" Eli asked in disbelief.

"I heard everything Eli! You and Adam both liking me, playing rock paper scissors to see who gets to wake me up. I bet Adam is at home sobbing his heart out, breaking everything he can get his hands on. And whose fault is it, huh Eli? Mine!" I shouted pointing at myself.

"Clare, wait-" Before he could finish, I was already up the stairs and locked int the bathroom. Tears stinging my eyes again...


	7. Chapter 7

Okay, first off I just want to say that I'm sorry for not updating for a while. On friday, I spent the whole day out and I thought I was going to write when the season finale was over. Sadly, the whole Eclare kinda break up messed up my whole mood, so I didn't update. Then, I remembered that I had an English assignment to do so I worked on that on Saturday. Finally Sunday, I'm getting home from NJ, and I edited this chapter so now I'm posting it :)

I'm really sorry! I hope you can forgive me, also, now that I'll be off of spring break in a day, my updates may become very infrequent. Sorry, but schoolwork _always _kicks my butt. :(

Thank you to all that reviewed. It made me happy to see those :) Special shout out to** ilovetaylorswift13 **who has reviewed every single chapter :) There are others that I need to thank, but I need to get started on this next chapter, so I'll have to cut this long crazy ramble short.

Hope you can enjoy this chapter, it's a bit short, and I hope you don't mind. Don't worry I'll always ship Eclare :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or it's characters, however, I do own a big fluffy cat :3

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><p>Chapter 7:<p>

Being in the middle is never easy.

For it's a fork in the road.

Forcing you to choose between two roads.

But never knowing which one is the right path.

There's the one that leads you to the city.

Where there are people to help you along the way.

Or possibly take away your car, for their own selfish reasons.

There's a road that takes you to a farm.

Where everything is quiet and peaceful.

Drama free.

Not worrying over any type of people living there.

For there is barely anybody there...

Being bold can be a good thing.

As long as you know what you're doing.

So you don't scare people away.

By being so upfront...

Rain shows sorrow of somebody in the world.

Someone who may have been crying.

The rain is their tears.

Showing the entire world.

That they're unhappy...

The tears rolled down my face faster with every bang on the door. Eli had been banging on the door for five minutes now; desperately trying to get the truth out of me. He just wants to know why had I kissed him, then run away. Why was I crying about Adam, when I was with him at the time? He just wants to know how could I be so hot and cold with people; why I'm toying with two peoples hearts.

"Clare, open the door!" Eli yelled through the door. He started banging on it yet again which caused me to bury my head between my knees and cry harder. "Come on Clare, Adam is fine, I promise!" Eli insisted.

"No, he's not Eli! If you can prove to me he's fine I'll open the door!" I sobbed loudly, and he sighed.

I know Adam isn't okay. His heart was ripped out, stomped on and run over by me. So what makes Eli think he'll _ever _talk to me? If I was in Adam's situation, I wouldn't talk to me! I'd try to get revenge! I mean really, I just stabbed Adam in the back! So why wont he just get me back already? It _is_ what I deserve.

I propped open the window, no longer standing the sorrow I'm bearing. I couldn't be where I am right now, for it would make me worse of a person. The fact that I haven't done a thing but cry since breaking Adam's heart makes me a mean person; showing that I don't care for anyone but myself. I'm so selfish; so shallow and selfish.

I climbed out the window feeling the cold rain pelt against my skin. It immediately soaked my clothes; making me lose warmth instantly. I had to shake away the feeling and keep going; I had to get to Adam before it was too late for us. I needed to fix everything between Adam and I. For I knew Adam would do the same for me, and it's time to finally return the many favors he's done for me.

Not wanting to take a single second longer, I slid down the roof, landed on my feet and took off towards the Goldsworthy's home.

I brought my fist against the door; knocking on it several times. I was freezing from all the relentless rain pounding against my skin. It brought my body temperature to a dangerously low level. My body was getting very numb.

"Clare," Adam asked confused. My icy blue eyes lifted up to his face. It had been drained of most of its color and those gorgeous blue eyes of his were grey with no life. Adam looked like he had been crying for what looks like several hours. "What are you doing here? It's raining." He said dully and I bit my lip.

"Can we talk?" I asked shivering, and he brought me inside.

Adam had brought me a pair of his warm basketball shorts and an oversized tee. He wanted to throw my clothes in the dryer while we talked about my reason for being here.

"Now Clare, why are you here?" Adam asked sitting on the couch next to me. I turned to Adam and stared into his dull grey-well, blue-eyes. Then before he could register what was going on in my mind, I crushed my lips over his. I moved closer to him, practically getting in his lap.

He finally began to kiss me back; moving his lips at the same intensity as mine. Then his soft hands made their way to my hips, and snaked their way down to my butt. I smiled internally, knowing I had made him happy. I've finally returned a favor.

"Whoa Clare!" Eli's voice interjected and I jumped off of Adam, and looked at Eli. He had confusion written all over it with a touch of anger. "Okay, so you make out with me...then you go running off to make out with Adam!" He shouted throwing his hands in the air.

"Look, Eli, you're not in my position! You don't have two people liking you at the same time-"

"So why'd you kiss Adam?" Eli interrupted.

I got up from the couch and walked over to Eli. His jaw was clenched in anger, and his eyes gave off an angry feeling. Shaking it off, I boldly crushed my lips over his then, pulled away.

Can I give you these tomorrow?" I asked Adam, and he nodded, astonished by my boldness. "Thanks, and you two are even now." With that, I left the house and walked back home.


	8. Chapter 8

Okay, I think I'm going to make up a schedule for updating soon, because I'm either updating every other day, or every two days. I think it wouldn't be right to leave you guys in the dark for two days, without knowing what I'm doing. So, I think, when I finally get in swing of things—school and writers block currently aren't giving me any problems—I'll post a schedule on my profile. Just for people to know what to expect when I update :)

Thanks to all that reviewed, I know I got two or three on chapter 7 so that still made me happy. Heh, I'm just happy that people are really reading and adding it to your favorites/alert list. It really puts a smile on my face :)

Oh yes, before I forget, I'll answer any three questions if a reviewer can guess why I put poems in the beginning. If nobody gets them right, the closet person will get it. Sound cool? :)

Thanks for reading this crazy long rant. I hope you enjoy this chapter! Hope you can figure it out :)

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><p>Chapter 8:<p>

Being stuck in the middle never is a good thing.

It sticks you in mud and forces you to choose a direction.

Sink in deeper.

Or find a way out and run free.

Sometimes you can do neither.

For you're in way too deep.

With no way out.

Only to sink down further into the mud...

When scars are in your past.

You tend to avoid talking about it.

Trying to avoid opening closed wounds.

For you know, deep down.

They'll hurt worse than when you got them.

There can be cloudy days in your life.

When people have a dispute over things.

Maybe over something pointless.

Maybe something to protect you.

All you know, the person cares.

That's why they argue.

I slowly opened the door peering around the edge to see if Darcy was home. She doesn't know that I had snuck out to go get Adam, so I had to avoid trouble for the time being. Also, I just didn't want the long lecture about what happens when you're at a boy's house alone-as if I don't know, but that will never happen. I don't want her to pry the details of what I was doing there out of me. I just knew it wouldn't end well if she was home.

I step around the door, sighing in relief. She wasn't here at the moment, which means I'm home free. That is, until she realizes the bathroom is locked. I gulped in realization, and began to sneak up the steps.

"Clare Diane Edwards!" Darcy shouted, and I froze in fear. I'm busted. "Where in the _world _have you been? And why is the bathroom locked?" She interrogated and I bit my lip.

There's no use in lying to her. It's not the right thing to do in this situation. Lying will just make everything worse, for it'll complicate everything. I'm not even wearing my clothes so there's no _way_ I can get myself out of this! So, I might as well tell her, I snuck out to apologize to Adam, but ended up kissing him, then Eli found out, so I kissed him, then left.

"I went to apologize to Adam, but I ended up kissing him. Then when Eli found out I left, he found me kissing Adam, he flipped, so I kissed him and I left," I said quickly hoping she missed most of the parts about kissing. "But, it's not like you would know anyway, you were out fighting Julia."

"Now Clare, Julia came here to get the Goldsworthy's, and then she made a comment about you that I didn't like," Darcy snapped and I rolled my eyes. "Don't you roll your eyes at me! I was defending your honor, saving you from getting your butt kicked _again!_" Darcy sneered and it struck a nerve.

Darcy barely knew how being a bully victim even affected me. She barely saw me cry, nor did she really see me sad. I wasn't even traumatized from it. I just took it as another rejection from my peers, just more physical. Darcy didn't even know a thing about Julia. She pushes peoples buttons just so people get mad at her. Julia probably enjoys the thrill of seeing someone ready to jump her. So, who was Darcy to say she was saving me?

"You know what Darcy! I can fight my own stupid battles, and I can handle situations on my own! I don't need my older _boy obsessed_ sister to tell me who she's saving, when she hasn't done _anything _about my bullying problem!" I screamed stomping up the stairs.

*****THE NEXT DAY*****

I slowly opened my eyes, seeing a scatter of papers, and Moby Dick books. My back was hurting from haunching over the desk. I'm guessing I needed something to do, considering I couldn't play with my sister who dares to dig into my past, nor my mother who didn't come home last night. Darcy made me really mad when she _had _to say that. She should know _never _to dig up the past, especially when I have dangerously low self esteem and mom made it very clear not to mention it ever again.

I got up from my desk, stretching my strained muscles, then went to take a shower.

I stripped my clothes and looked at my skin; seeing some old scars I had from old altercations. One on my wrist where Julia threw a rock at me and it cut my skin really deep. I had to get stitches for that, and sadly I didn't tell my mom how I really got the cut—I told her I rubbed into a loose part of a fence, which cut my skin. Then I eyed the scar on my stomach, where KC had tripped me down the stairs and whatever was in my pocket cut my skin.

These were the things nobody should see, for it's shameful to me. People seeing I can't even defend myself when it comes to my peers, makes them give me pity, which I don't want. I'd rather them stay in the dark about my life while I let my tormentors beat me up, just like a good little victim. Their motto was never to let the truth come out, or it wont be good for you later. (KC always translated it as 'don't squeal now, later, or ever, or you'll be screaming for an eternity.')

I brushed my fingers over them, feeling the light thread from the stitches. It clashed with my smooth skin, showing how truly broken I was. Hiding scars, and undiscovered bruises will have to end sometime.

_But the question is, when? How?_

"Morning mom," I said cheerily walking into the kitchen and taking my seat. Darcy didn't bother to look up from her cereal; obviously she doesn't mind that we wont be talking, cool, fine with me. "How'd you sleep?" I asked pouring a bowl of cereal.

"I slept fine, thank you. Sorry for coming in late, it was just me at the office, so I couldn't leave until all my work was done." My mom said kissing our heads.

My mom works for the government. It's some government building around deep in Toronto. It's about a good three hours away from where we live—really an hour, but she takes the train to save money—so she works really late. Darcy and I never mind it though, we always had each other to keep us entertained. So being in the house alone didn't bother us.

"Oh, it's okay. I was doing my project so I barely noticed." I answered, scooping a spoonful of cereal in my mouth. "Yeah, I didn't_ need_ to hang out with Darcy yesterday. I had plenty of my own fun." I half sneered at her, and she rolled her eyes, then muttered something under her breath.

"Is something wrong with you two? You haven't said anything really to each other since Clare came downstairs." Mom said.

"No, but I have to go, I have another study session with my _friends_ at the Dot. I'll be home later." I answered walking out the door.

I walked into the Dot seeing Adam and Eli huddled over a table what looks like an intense stare down. Ah, how I love my lovely friends; how close they are together, unlike me and Darcy at the moment. Never really arguing over anything that happened in the past, digging up old wounds or anything; just talking to each other like normal people.

As I got closer to them I began to see what they were doing. They had an old picture of me without my glasses on and a making pros and cons lists about it—where in the world did they get a picture of me without glasses. They both didn't acknowledge that I was here. They just continued making their list with haste; probably thinking I wouldn't show up for another two minutes.

I snuck up behind them examining the picture thoroughly. This must have been a picture from the fifth grade year book—a place where my mom put all my pictures _without_ glasses. In the picture you could see that my blue eyes were bright with excitement, my hair looked tamed—but still curly—my clothing was more casual, (plaid blue hoodie, blue shirt, and black jeans). I really looked happy, probably because Julia wasn't there to constantly harass me. Those were the times that I missed.

"Hey guys, what are you doing?" I asked pretending I didn't know. The boys quickly scrambled to hide the list and the picture, plus the enormous amount of blush on their faces. "Was that a picture of me?" I asked playfully and Eli stood up immediately.

"Clare, you're beautiful, and I was really wondering if I could have the honor of being your boyfriend." Eli said smoothly, gently holding one of my hands. His green eyes glistened with determination, which made my heart pound in my rib cage.

"Wait," Adam said getting up. "Clare. . .I know I'm no ladies man like Eli, and I'm a really weird guy; but, I was wondering. . .if you could be my girlfriend." Adam said shyly taking my other hand. His blue eyes glistened with love, which gave me the same feeling that Eli gives.

"I can't do this. . .I'm sorry." I said walking out the Dot.


	9. Chapter 9

Hey fanfiction readers! Just like my schedule said; I updated in 2 days. :) Now, you can officially go off of that schedule (except for this weekend because I have a school field trip to NYC). I want to congratulate the winner on the reason why I write poems at the beginning of each chapter **ilovetaylorswift13**! I will answer any three questions you give me about this story, just leave them in the review or in my inbox; whichever you prefer. Although, I must warn you, if it's something related to something that may happen in the future it may spoil the story for you **YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED :) **

Thank you to all others who reviewed. I'm happy that I instantly got 3 reviews from people. It really puts a smile on my face when you review :) So keep' em coming if you want :)

Thanks for reading this long rant :) I will be uploading on Sunday because I will be in New York all this weekend and I don't think I'll have Wi-Fi the whole time. :)

Hope you enjoy this chapter :)

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Degrassi, BUT I do own a Degrassi hoodie as of now :)

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><p>Chapter 9<p>

You can't avoid your problems.

No matter how fast you run.

No matter where you hide.

Those problems will hunt you down.

Until it kills you inside...

People never change.

They just stay the same.

The evil humans they were.

Harming others for their pleasure.

Because they want to.

You no longer feel pain when hurt.

For it's a dull blade, against your skin.

Never scratching.

Just rubbing.

It was seven o'clock when I left the Dot, so Degrassi wasn't open. I wouldn't be able to get a leg up and avoid the Goldsworthy twins. Sure enough they will try to find me and-yet again-apologize for their actions, only to repeat the same thing. They'll never leave me alone about dating me. It's all flirty and spontaneous with Eli, and all soft and sweet with Adam. Why can't it just meet in the middle and become a mixture of both sweet and flirty? It would be the perfect guy for me; an Eli and Adam mixed together.

I trudge my way into the park and began to think hard. I needed advice, really good advice that will help me choose. Darcy, Mom-dare I say-Julia, could all help me with this. They all have some type of connection with dating, or the Goldsworthy twins. They all should be eligible for giving me advice. The only drawback to this though, is me causing problems for all of them.

I began to contemplate on who'd give me the best advice.

Darcy had defended me in a fight with Julia. She has experience with plenty of boys. There was Riley Stavros who is in eleventh grade now. I had met him in third grade and he was a cool sporty guy. He taught me how to throw a football, kick 'the unblock-able goal' which he called it, and he taught me some Tai-Quando!

Then there was Sav Bhandari-also in eleventh grade, and Ali's brother-who, surprisingly wasn't a jerk like her. He was courteous to everybody. Sav brought some type of snack every time he came over. He treated Darcy like a Princess; always holding the door for her, and pulled out her chair when she sat down.

I remember, Darcy had also dated Zane Park. I barely knew him, but I guess he was cool, considering he and her went out for almost six months-not as long as her and Sav, which was eight months. Now, I know Darcy is currently dating Peter Stone, according to FaceRange.

Now, I'm not sure about my mom. She doesn't have a spouse right now, and I don't know who our father is. Would she be a reliable source? She _is _my mother; way more experienced than my sister. But if she doesn't have a spouse does that mean we're a mistake? Something unplanned, which caused our father to leave; or is he some random hookup when you're drunk? Counting on all this confusion, I don't think she'd be the best person to go to; mother or not.

Okay, Julia, very close to the Goldsworthy's. She knows every thing about them out of everybody in the school. So, technically, I can go to her for advice. But there is the whole bullying thing going on right now. That wouldn't be good for either of us at the moment...So Julia is now _completely _out of the question.

I sat down on a swing, kicking the wood chips as I pushed myself. "I can't go to anybody! Darcy hates me because I was too harsh. Julia hates me for who knows why. My mom can't even keep a spouse, and she doesn't even know that I like two guys! Who can I go to?" I screamed internally.

Suddenly I fell flat on the ground face first, and heard howls of laughter. My eyes began burning from wood chips getting in my eyes. "Oh no! Ginger fell off the swing!" KC said in a fake concerned tone as I got up, sniffling.

"Oh my gosh, she's really bawling." Drew joined in.

I wiped the tears from my eyes, then stood up. "One day," I murmured. " I can't have _one_ day when people don't give me a hard time! You're always messing with me and I'm sick of it!" I shouted at KC and he smirked at me.

"Wow, I don't care." he responded darkly, and something in me snapped.

My small hand immediately went flying and smacked KC right in his cheek; leaving a large handprint. My eyes widened realization of what happened, and I covered my mouth trying to hold back a gasp. I, Clare Edwards, had just slapped KC Guthrie! He's the biggest bully next to Mark Fitzgerald and Owen Milligan! How could I have done something like this, and _not _de dead!

KC's fist cocked back as far as it could, then struck me straight in the face; breaking my glasses. I instantly hit the ground and began clutching my face and screaming into my hands. I can't even feel my face! He then rushed over to me, grabbed my shirt, yanked me up to him, and punched me repeatedly.

"Whoa KC, chill," Drew said. "Come on, let's go before you get in trouble." Drew said pulling him off me. KC began kicking my ribs. "Dude, she's bleeding, let it go!" He tried to reason but he continued.

"_ Touch me with that diseased hand again and I'll kill you!" _I heard KC snarl, before I faded into unconsciousness.


	10. Chapter 10

Hey fanfiction readers! I told you I would update today :) I made sure I worked on this chapter all day—I was home sick so I had plenty of time—and got it posted before I went to bed. (Hopefully my mom wont catch me right now don't tell her I'm up ;) Oh yes, also, thank you for the nine/eight reviews I got on the last chapter :) I was almost in Harlem when I saw that and it made me EXTREMELY happy. People were giving me really crazy looks :) So yeah, thank you for your reviews, favorites, alerts and whatever else you guys do :) It's truly appreciated :)

Oh yes, and to my lovely fan **ilovetaylorswift13 **you still need to ask that last question from the contest you won :)

I may be updating tomorrow, because I've already started on the next chapter-and hoping that my mom doesn't throw it away—it maybe posted tomorrow :)

Cools, so...leave a review if you want to :) And I hope you enjoy

PS: THIS WAS LIKE 1500 WORDS :)

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Degrassi, but I do own a poster of Hayley Williams :)

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><p><em>Chapter 10 <em>

_I'm hurt but I feel no pain. _

_I'm in bandages but I never bled. _

_Just feel no pain. _

_For my demons are dull blades against my skin. _

_Never cutting. _

_Never bleeding. _

_Though my body may be broken. _

_There is still a spirit. _

_That lay there thriving and alive. _

_But dying slowly._

_For the body that it lies in, is dead._

_There are heroes in this world. _

_Those that are able to save someone. _

_Or is simply there to help with problems. _

_Holding someones hand through their darkest times..._

_When people protect, _

_They become insane. _

_They strive so far._

_That they've lost their minds..._

_Victims never like protection. _

_For they don't want to feel weak. _

_Showing everybody they can't protect themselves. _

_We'd rather get beat up, than be protected._

_My ghostly body hovers over the tiny park that I lie in; seeing the pool of blood surrounding me. I'm going to die from it. I know I will. For I deserve it. This useless piece of trash is just walking on this stupid Earth, taking up air that belongs to other life. _

_A man. He's coming to the park. He's tan with short black hair, and wearing a sweet smile that quickly turned into a look of alarm. He see's the pool of blood surrounding me, and his eyes widen in terror. He runs over to me, shaking in his own shoes._

_"Clare!" He shouts holding my head in his big hands. "Come on Clare-bear, stay with me!" _

_I want to tell him to go away and let me die. But I couldn't...For I was dead, and my ghost was just watching him scream at my lifeless body. _

_The man takes his right hand and begins wiping glass off my face. "Somebody help!" He shouts in a shrill voice. "Somebody!" He holds my bleeding body to his chest. _

_The sirens on the ambulances were drawing nearer with each second. The man's shrill scream is still lingering in the air. He's crying hard now, and the tears drip onto my body, feeling as if he's slowly loosing me; when I was already dead._

_"Who would do this to you? You were a good person, could never harm a fly." The man sobbed clutching onto my bony shoulders. _

_The paramedics came out of the ambulance and moved the man away. They load my bleeding body onto the stretcher, carrying me into the ambulance. That maybe was the last car ride in my life... _

_"We're losing her!" _

_"Hurry! Get the defibrillator!" _

_"Clear!" _

_"We're getting a steady heart beat! I need another charge!" _

_"Clear!" _

_I hovered over my bare body seeing two doctors working on me. Desperately trying to save me, when I'm already dead. The hopeless fools..._

**Beep...**

**Beep...**

**Beep... **

_A steady heart beat...I'm...alive?_

"Thank goodness you're awake!" A voice exclaimed and I slowly opened my eyes.

In a chair across the room, instead of seeing my mother, Darcy or the Goldsworthy twins, I saw Sav Bhandari; Darcy's ex-boyfriend. What was he doing here? How did he even know that I was in the hospital? I mean, that park is the smallest thing you can find in Toronto. It is approximately in the middle of nowhere-probably a few people know about it-and it's been abandoned for years. Why would he, of all people, know of it?

"What are you doing here?" I said blandly looking at him. "Where is my mom and Darcy?"

"Ms. Edwards and Darcy are at the food court right now," he said avoiding the first question. I stared at him with my dull blue eyes and he looked away nervously. He's obviously hiding something from me. The honest Sav Bhandari, hiding something is unusual. He bit his bottom lip and looked back up at me.

"Fine...I saved you from bleeding to death in that park. Are you happy?" He said slapping his forehead.

My eyes widen in realization. He had saved me from the park! But I was dead...I knew I was. There's no way he could have saved me when I was a ghost watching a _tan _person scream my name. I'm sorry, but Sav is not very tan, he's more of a sweet chocolate color. So there's no way that he could've saved me.

Plus, I haven't seen him in years. There's no way he could still remember me, I looked _completely _different-in fourth grade I had shorter hair and it was sometimes straightened.

"No way...I was dead, I know I was." I argued and he raised his eyebrows.

"Your heart stopped, but you're obviously not-" Sav stopped in mid sentence when he saw the door open up.

Darcy, my mom, and a blonde boy were in the door, staring at us wide eyed and confused. My mom was a ghostly pale white which looked like she was going to pass out at any moment. Darcy was slightly red with anger, probably from seeing her ex-boyfriend in the room, and the blonde boy was just confused-not knowing what was going on at all.

"What are you doing here!" Darcy yelled, making Sav and I flinch.

Sav immediately stood up from his chair. "Look Darcy, I saved your sister's life! Why are you even yelling at me," Sav yelled back. "We broke up years ago Darcy, you still can't be mad at what happened!" I looked at the two of them. What was even going on? Why was Darcy so mad that Sav was still here? He _did _save my life! If anything, Sav deserved a thank you from her.

"Whoa, whoa, Darce, stop it." The blonde boy said rubbing her shoulders and Darcy stormed away.

I'm so confused...

"Clare!" I heard Eli's voice exclaim, and I immediately woke up.

I looked over at the door way seeing Eli in his gym uniform, drenched in sweat. He was panting hard and looked like he wasn't going to catch his breath soon. I was shocked that he came here. I didn't think he would be here after I ditched him and Adam at the Dot. He probably was upset after that, and maybe he's just here to tell me off.

"I'm really sorry Clare...I should've never asked you out" Eli said and I rolled my eyes. He's just going to say: 'I'm sorry Clare' then do the same thing again. It's the same thing _every _time!

"How will I know it's different?" I demanded and Eli looked away. "I'm stuck in between this brotherly rivalry, and I don't know what to do!"

"I'm sorry about that too; me and Adam fighting over you...But, we can't help it; you're so beautiful Clare." Eli said walking towards my bed. "I don't know how anyone like you could get beat up like this, I just don't understand." He continued stroking my bandage covered face.

"Eli, I still can't do this," I whispered moving his hand away from my face. "If I hadn't left the Dot, he wouldn't have beat me up..." I said beginning to flash back.

"_Touch me with that diseased hand again and I'll kill you!" _KC's voice echoed in my head, and I cringed.

"Who beat you up? Tell me..." Eli said looking dead into my eyes.

_"Hey four eyes! What's the answer to number two!" KC's third grade voice said. _

_"That's cheating...I can't tell you" I answered and he scoffed. _

_"What, afraid your mommy will take away your teddy bear for cheating on a test?" KC taunted and I nervously tapped my pencil. _

_I wasn't raised to do things like this. It was wrong. It wasn't the right thing to do, no matter what situation I was in. For my mom and Darcy taught me better than that._

_"Yeah, cause a teddy bear is her only friend!" Ali chimed in and I glared at her. _

_"Shut up! You don't know anything." Adam chimed in, and I looked at him gratefully. "I'm her friend! I Adam, Spencer, Goldsworthy, is Clare Edwards' friend!" Adam said shouting that at the top of his lungs. "Anyone got a problem with that?" _

_Not too long after that was when I received my second scar. KC had said some mean things to me. I had said some mean things back, and accidentally used some Karate moves that Riley taught me. That got me pushed down the flight of stairs, then laughed at..._

I got up from my hospital bed and ran to the bathroom puking my guts out. I can't deal with the memories any longer...

I have to go...


	11. Chapter 11

Alright! I'm sorry to say this to all my lovely readers but this will be the last chapter of this story. Now, before you start bawling your eyes out, I must tell you there **will** be a sequel! S-E-Q-U-E-L :) Well, this is because of my very odd ending :) So, yeah, cool :) I want to thank everybody that reviewed this. This story got a total of 700 something hits and that is completely AMAZING! That is the most awesome thing ever :) :) :) Alright, lets get on with the story so I can write the sequel tomorrow. Maybe I can make it 3,000 words; so I'll need some time maybe the rest of the week.

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, but I do own a pair of warn sneakers that I run in :) :)

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><p>Chapter 11:<p>

_"When bullies grow old and frail their only victim is themselves. Fear and vulnerability paints warped haggardness upon their skin, and they become as ugly on the outside, as they are within." _(Bona)

I made my way out of the bathroom feeling horrible. My throat was burning from the vomit spewing from my mouth, I felt weak from the lack of blood, and my ribs are burning from the stitches I received. This all wouldn't have happened if KC had left me alone for those seven years we've been together. If I hadn't met him, then I would've avoided getting bullied, beat up, and anything else. I would never be a victim, never having to carry the secret that I am. My life would be worry free.

I would have all the friends I'd love to have; never wondering if they'll turn on me because of my looks. I would never worry about people judging me by their peers; the cool ones that is. Those that seem to have opinion over people to judge if 'you are worthy enough to hang out with.' Every problem I have now (trust issues, and impaired judgement) would magically disappear, for there would be no reason to have these issues with no bully...

"Are you okay? Do you want me to buy you some Ginger Ale?" Eli asked stroking my face.

"My mom will be back soon; after she's done reminding Darcy not to attack her ex-boyfriends in public places." I replied, moving his hand away.

After Darcy had came with that blonde boy-her current boyfriend Peter-she and Sav got into an argument about their breakup three years ago. Sav was a laid back Muslim believer, while Darcy was a hard core Christian girl. With their differences, they went out for three years, only to find out that Sav's parents will never approve of a Christian girl marrying a Muslim boy. It wasn't part of their traditional arranged marriage that they planed for him in his country. Hearing this, infuriated Darcy, but not Sav.

Darcy wanted to 'make things work' for she thought they were _perfect _together-mostly hearing that from her peers and relationship magazines. She claimed that they would stay together and defy the whole arranged marriage; hoping it would give Sav the freedom to date whoever he wants. But sadly, his parents caught them two together-apparently, Sav never told his parents they were dating-and Sav couldn't stand up to them. This, ultimately made Darcy dump him and move on to Zane after a painful month of crying to me.

"Please tell me who beat you up Clare..." Eli pleaded and my eyes softened.

"KC did...Drew tried to stop him though." I answered and Eli's eyes darkened.

"KC? As in KC Guthrie!" Eli roared and I flinched. I had never seen Eli this mad before. For he was always so sweet around me, but now he seems like a completely different person. "I'll kill him, rip off every shred of his Beiber blonde hair..." Eli said darkly and I smacked him.

I knew this wasn't the Elijah Goldsworthy I know. This is a character in his twisted novels; Elliot Gold is his name. He's some charismatic, deceitful, dark, brooding, sexy, and mysterious person he had created for the class project (some publishing thing we worked on in fifth grade). Elliot was a murderer on the run, who unexpectedly found love with an innocent waitress. Throughout the story, he becomes so insane which makes me scared for-and sometimes of-Eli.

Although Elliot is so dark, there is a part of Eli inside of him, threatening to come to the surface. Elliot can be my sweet, charming, playful, sarcastic, and flirtatious Eli that I've been friends with for six years. He could be trustworthy and everything that Eli is now...But Eli can't be Elliot. Simply, because I can't live in fear of his dark side taking over him; which will make him cut my body parts off and hide them in copy machines.

Eli has only been like this two or three times now. It mostly happens when I get hurt and something protective in him flares up. The first time he's done this was in third grade. I had put Ali in a sleeper hold for calling me a 'friendless freak.' This made her punch me in the face almost broke my nose. I came to him crying, and Eli got mad and almost put Ali in the hospital. The other time was when KC shoved my face in a puddle of mud-attempting to drown me because I said he looked like a beaver with his new braces. Being the same result as before, Eli _definitely_ tried to kill KC as well.

"I'm sorry for going all Elliot on you..." He said and I rubbed his cheek affectionately. I mean, I know I'm not exactly a good person, but, I really want to protect you...because...I love you...I love you Clare Edwards." Eli said kissing my hand.

I didn't know what to do. I do have feelings for both Adam and Eli, but love? I don't think I like them that way... For I've only known them for six years, and we've just been friends all that time. I'm sure that doesn't make me love them, they're like my brothers for Pete sake! There is no way I could love them when I can barely choose between them.

"It's fine Clare...You don't have to say anything back; you've been through so much already, now I'm just adding more things onto your life..." Eli said looking dead into my eyes. They were shining with tears, for I didn't love him like he loves me.

_Those were the same tears that Adam cried when I kissed Eli; tears that I'll never forget. _

I grabbed Eli's arm and pulled him into bed with me. I then kissed his warm lips and he smiled. He gladly returned the kiss, slowly licking my bottom lip for entrance in my mouth; which I gave. Our tongues battled together, and the kiss grew more intense with every second. His warm hands snaked down to my waist and began rubbing my body all over. It sent buzzing pleasure all through me, for we haven't been like this in so long. I was always worrying about Eli and Adam being equal in my heart, one never having too much attention and the other never too little. This messed up our general relationship as friends, because they were both battling for my heart...

_But I think I truly know who I want to be with..._

_Elijah Goldsworthy! _

I crawled on top of him, and broke the kiss for a brief moment. "I want you Eli," I whispered in his ear and I felt something poke me. I kissed his neck around his earlobe and he moaned in pleasure. "I really want to be your girlfriend Eli," I whispered against his skin and he eagerly nodded.

"I love you Clare..."

After Eli had left, my mom had returned to my hospital room. She looked completely tense; her eyes glassy, her cheeks tearstained, and her hair all frizzy and in knots. This alarmed me, for I didn't know what was going on. What happened after she had left? Did she get attacked by some kids? Was she in a car crash? Where's Darcy! Did she die!

"Mom, what happened?" I asked shooting up.

"Your father found us," she said wearily, and I raised my eyebrows in confusion. I thought I didn't have a father. He was nonexistent to me; dead, gone. So there can be no way that he supposedly 'found' us. "I know you're confused but you have to leave here. I can't let him get to you Clare-bear." My mom rasped and tears began filling my eyes.

"I don't understand! What does my 'father' want with me! Where's Darcy!" I asked and she passed out.

On her back there was a notebook sheet of paper stapled to her back.

_Dear my darling Clare, _

_For you Clare I'm returning home. I've learned my lesson from everything I've done in the past. To Darcy, and to your mother; and I hope they'll forgive me._

_Now Clare, I know you don't know me, and you may be confused, but I desperately want to meet you; if it's the last thing I do. For I have my ways..._

_From, your father..._

_I do have to leave...but how do I tell my boyfriend?_


End file.
